It was not. And it never has been as much as I feel it is.
I was sitting on my couch thinking generously about future events and plans and I wanted to curl into a ball and just die. Right there. Nothing had even happened yet, I hadn't started the plans past thinking about them and already I wanted to stop them. I felt like that cartoon character with wide eyes fingers between chattering teeth, whoever that is.
And recently I found out i'm not the only one who does it. I think this is weird, super weird, that I (and others) read so much into potential future events that I feel nervous in the present for something that hasn't happened yet. It's a very real feeling, overwhelming and unnerving- but also super silly.
it's the fear.
the fear of failing, of imperfection of looking like a fool.
A fear of flying which, more often than not, is how you get places.
But I came across this quote and thought, why not?
What if I fly?
What If I just tried and accepted what happened and moved on instead of dwell on what could happen and bother worrying about nothing?